Or rather Spam... (2/28/05)

I have been using Mozilla Thunderbird now for some time in an effort to get rid of the spam that I have been receiving. I highly recommend it. Hundreds of messages a day get caught so that I don't have to bother with them. Every so often though, I look through to make sure that there wasn't anything good that god marked incorrectly. Lately, among the usual pornography, medication, and African money laundering schemes, I have noticed something new. Poetry.

Spam is often loaded with images and hyperlinks. By adding in real words with sentence structure and grammar and such. It is more likely to skip by the blocking software. Often times it is played off as something like a letter to an old friend. Other times it can be a elaborate ruse to convince you to enter your log in information to a site that is misrepresenting itself as a bank, or eBay, or something of the sort. I once saw one that was talking about pornography in the title, but the content of the email was about high grade dog food. The poetry is my favorite though. Please note I left any typos that were in the quotes.

She Sells Ciallis by the Sea Shore

Last week I noticed two that were quite odd. They were pieces from Lewis Carroll, the author of Alice in Wonderland. This was particularly strange as they really had no bearing on the rest of the email. The first one was promoting the wondrous city that is Las Vegas. The second delved into the purchase of medicine online. A third one just popped up touting a $500 gift card at Fredrick's of Hollywood.

The Walrus and the Carpenter Pt.1:
The sun was shining on the sea, Shining with all his might: He did his very best to make The billows smooth and bright.- And this was odd, because it was The middle of the night.
The Walrus and the Carpenter Pt.2:
The moon was shining sulkily, Because she thought the sun Had got no business to be there After the day was done- "It's very rude of him," she said, "To come and spoil the fun!"
NEW! The Walrus and the Carpenter Pt.3:
The sea was wet as wet could be, The sands were dry as dry. You could not see a cloud, because No cloud was in the sky: No birds were flying overhead- There were no birds to fly.

How Much Hair Have you Lost up There?

This one I found clever in its use of punctuation. It lays down a catchy rhythm that of course contributes to the readers already urgent need to make 'your woman happy'

Motto For a Dog:
I love this little house because It offers after dark, A pause for rest, a rest for paws, A place to moor my bark. !"

Here's another canine ditty that is promoting the 'rocking the world' of your local area woman.

The Dog:
The truth I do not stretch or shove When I state the dog is full of love. I've also proved, by actual test, A wet dog is the lovingest.

Don't Bother Me

Now I love Macs as much as the next guy. I mean who couldn't love a new G5. This poem really said what we were all thinking.

A Fly and a Flea in a Flue:
A Fly and a Flea in a Flue Were imprisoned, so what could they do? Said the fly, "Let us flee!" "Let us fly!" said the flea, And they flew through a flaw in the flue.

Not Like Sara Lee? Impossible

Snacks always remind me of how much I want an iPod mini. So this reference to a young gentleman's food preparation, made it hard for me to avoid clicking on those links at the bottom of the email.

Billy Button:
Billy Button bought a buttered biscuit. Did Billy Button buy a buttered biscuit? If Billy Button bought a buttered biscuit, Where's the buttered biscuit Billy Button bought?

O' hare! What have you done?

The mystery that is the Carl Sandburg would be proud that some 90 years after it was written, his work would bring life to the countless masses wishing to own either a free Sony plasma TV or a Victoria's Secret gift certificate... or both!!

Chicago Poet Pt.1:
I saluted a nobody. I saw him in a looking-glass. He smiled-so did I. He crumpled the skin on his forehead, frowning-so did I. Everything I did he did. I said "Hello, I know you." And I was a liar to say so.

Chicago Poet Pt.2
Ah, this looking-glass man! Liar, fool, dreamer, play-actor, Soldier, dusty drinker of dust- Ah! he will go with me Down the dark stairway When nobody else is looking, When everybody else is gone.

Vote for Pedro!

Nothing says um.. actually hmm... I really have no idea what this is about.. something about friends and maybe chicken? That's not right.. Whatever it is. I am sure it would make me want a Nintendo DS!

El Coco Compadre, compreme un coco. Compadre, coco no comopro, que el que poco coco come, poco coco compra. Yo, como poco coco como, poco coco compro.


Kia found a good one that indicates that poor grammar may confuse you into thinking that you should download anything you need.

lets go to mcdonalds soon. we can get a hamburger or too.
About the necessity of compromise
I missed shouting carefully.
Did Roy love working on the top of the mountain?

Let me know if you see anymore...

-Me (duh)